Contributor: Bethany Jett
It starts with adding your crush’s last name to your first name. Mrs. So-and-So. Ahh. What a lovely ring it has to it.
Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or admiring a sparkling promise on your finger, we girls think about weddings and marriage probably more often than we’d like to admit.
What kind of house do you want to keep? Do you want to stay at home and raise children, pursue a career, or a little of both? What kind of job do you hope your husband will have? Where will you live?
The Bible talks about responsibilities of a wife. She must respect her husband and submit to him. Her body is no longer entirely hers, but that’s not a bad thing! In Proverbs 31, we’re shown a glimpse of the ideal godly wife. She takes care of the household. She is in direct sales, making clothes and selling them. She’s got it all together and sometimes her example can be overwhelming. Her husband and children praise and bless her. If this is what we want our life to be like, shouldn’t we start practicing now?
Yes.
And no.
We can start working on aspects of our character, but some things need to wait until the wedding ring is on the finger.
Respect
We can practice respecting our husbands by respecting our parents, professors, administrators, elders, and anyone in authority over us. God said that we are subject to governing authorities, and that all in authority have been instituted by God.[1] So it doesn’t matter if you dislike your teacher, boss, or parent. You have to respect their position.
It’s the same with whom you choose to marry. If you don’t respect a guy while you’re dating him, honey, do not marry him. Respecting means that you listen to his thoughts and ideas without making fun of him or putting him down. Respect means you value his input and save playful teasing for appropriate situations. Respecting your man, married or not, means not embarrassing or yelling at him in public. I submit the best advice I ever received: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…except a man humiliated.”
Practice respect in small ways. Sometimes it’s being courteous and saying thank you for the little things he does. Don’t interrupt. Affirm his opinion even if it doesn’t match your own. And if you get into a fight, let your words be firm, but soft. A gentle answer turns away wrath[2] and I can’t tell you how many times God’s words of wisdom have kept a small disagreement from turning into a major fight because I responded gently instead of raising my voice. Holding hands helps, too. It’s hard to be mad at someone while their hand is wrapped around yours.
Gentleness is not weakness and if you speak softly, the other person has to shut up in order to hear you. J
Submission
Submission is for the wife, not the girlfriend. Not the fiancée.
Submission is such a dirty word in our society. But the worst thing we can do is redefine it and take it out of biblical context. When I hear the word, an image of the 50s and 60s housewife in a dress and apron comes to mind. Her husband demands dinner is on the table when he gets home after she’s stuck cleaning the house all day.
But that’s not what it means.
Submission means that you accept your husband’s role as the head of your household. As such, he is held to a higher standard by God in that his prayers can be hindered.[3] Seriously. Look it up!
Perhaps it is easier to define what submission isn’t. God never meant for women to be doormats to be walked on. Your husband is not your boss. I like to explain it like this: if your husband is offered a job halfway across the country from your family and friends, your job as his wife is to be in constant prayer with him. If your husband, after prayer and discussion, comes to the conclusion that your family needs to move, then you honor him and respect him by submitting to that decision.
I hear the objections: What about the woman’s job? Isn’t her life just as important as his? Of course! If the wife is offered a job in another place, you’d go through the same motions. Praying together, praying separately. The difference, and I want to be extremely clear here, the difference is that you have to trust that your husband is submitting to Christ in every decision and trusting that God will reveal to both of you the answer. This is why it’s imperative that you marry a man who seeks God’s will above his own.
There is a system of checks and balances here. As a Christian, men and women are both subject to God’s authority, but when it’s spelled out in the Scriptures, like man is subject to Christ, a wife is subject to her husband, and the head of Christ is God.[4] If your husband loves you the way he is supposed to, and you’re respecting him the way you’re supposed to, submission is a natural response. In the same way, we submit naturally to God’s laws because we love Him and we know that He loves us and has our best interest in mind.
Remember, submission is not for the unmarried. If you’re dating a guy, don’t practice submission to him. God has not given him that authority or role in your life. Until the wedding band is on your finger, your main authority figures are your parents and God.
Proverbs 31 Woman
Many a tale has been written about the ideal woman found in Proverbs. Can we attain her level of esteemed perfection? Until you’re married, there’s really not much to practice, although you can make decisions on what you’d like to do.
The Proverbs 31 woman provides for her family.[5] If you’re pursuing a career, you’ve taken a big step in making sure there will be income for yourself and a future family. If you choose to stay home and raise children, there are plenty of businesses that offer mothers a way to make money on their own schedule. The Proverbs woman was not idle, and by working in some capacity now, you prepare yourself to be in a position to take care of a family later.
Her character is noble and her husband has full confidence in her. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.[6]
I love that her husband respects her. We can infer that she is not a woman who wags her tongue with the neighboring women, gossiping and stirring up dissension. Instead, she busies herself with the affairs of her own house, as well as reaching out to the poor. She is hospitable and from reading the entire chapter, we can see that she is the epicenter of her family.
Interestingly enough, we know that she made a wise choice in a husband. He is respected at the city gates where he sits with the elders of the land.[7] Not only does she look toward the future with strength and dignity, she was looking to the future when she accepted the marriage proposal of her husband.
Ladies, don’t marry a man with no ambition. Don’t marry a man who wants to live off the profits of your hard work. Marry a man who wants to provide for you, has the same ideals and dreams about children and raising a family as you.
Marriage is about being part of a team, and while you’re dating and engaged, be watchful of how well you work together. When you’re married, remember that everything you do for each other and your family works towards the goals you have set up together.
Respect, submission (in it’s proper time and place), and the example of the Proverbs 31 woman, can help us be amazing godly women and wives. We need to live up to God’s expectations, not only for our sakes, but for the sakes of those coming up after us.
[1] Romans 13:1-7 ESV
[2] Proverbs 15:1 ESV
[3] 1 Peter 3:7
[4] 1 Corinthians 11:3
[5] Proverbs 31:24
[6] Proverbs 31:10-12
[7] Proverbs 31:23
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