Controlling our Tongues

Contributor: Karle Hunter

“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. “ Proverbs 10: 19

For the past several weeks, I have found myself dwelling heavily on this one, simple, yet powerful verse. It is one that sounds so “easy,” yet as a Christian woman I find incredibly hard to practice day by day.

Amongst the chaos of work, college classes, friends, and family, it is incredibly easy to become a mile a minute “chatter box” that has no control over her tongue.

I’ve found myself involved in unnecessary conversations that have had nothing to do with me, listening to others complain about other people or even doing it myself, jumping to quickly share my knowledge about whatever, and honestly not giving one thought to what damage my tongue is creating.

Why is that? Why is it that when my surroundings get hectic my speech does as well?

It would be easy to blame it on my crazy life schedule or just the fact that everyone else talks, gossips, complains or judges. Or I could defend my talk by saying “Well…I’m just speaking the truth!” Have you ever thought that? That maybe if it were true it’s okay to say? Hmmm…

The above verse makes it very clear that where there is much talk sin is not absent and how true it is. It is way too easy for one simple, innocent conversation to take a downward spiral into something that is hurtful, or sinful for that matter.

So what can we do? We can’t control others right? If they say it and I don’t then it doesn’t count…right?

Well, I’d like to first point out that it is our heart that dictates our speech.

“For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”

So whether its truth or not, our speech reflects deeply what is in our heart. Wow. I don’t’ know about you but some of the speech that leaves my mouth I’m embarrassed to say is hiding deep in my heart.

While our speech is a heart issue, I’d also like to give a few tips as to how we can train our tongues in times when words are many, so that we can be wise.

In Proverbs 10, there are several verse that combat negative speech. Let’s look at a few!

“The lips of the righteous nourish many…” (vs. 21)

“The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom…” (vs. 31)

“The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.” (vs. 32)

So powerful.

Our speech should nourish. When I think of nourishment, I think of a very relaxing vacation. Sandy beaches, sun, no stress, and refreshing waves. So if my tongue is supposed to provide nourishment to others, it should be like taking them on a mini vacation! Now, I’m not saying that we lie or stretch the truth to make others feel like they are on cloud nine all of the time, but when one deserves it or needs it, build them up through compliments and encouragement. Oh how a sweet word or comment can change a person’s day!

Our lips are also supposed to bring forth wisdom…no pressure right?! When I read this verse, all I can think of is the power of remaining in and reading scripture. How can we bring forth wisdom if we don’t’ know God’s word? That’s the place to start.

Finally, our lips should speak when appropriate. This is the hardest one to put in to practice in my opinion. Using discernment to know when to talk and when not to. Ugh. So tough. From experience, I’ve learned to stay quiet unless nudged by the Holy Spirit to give my thoughts. That may sound odd, it’s better to hold your tongue than to speak words that you cannot take back.

But how do you practice this when a conversation takes a dramatic turn for the worst? Well, I have always tried to change the subject or leave the situation. Eventually, the person will understand that you’re not going to participate in negative talk. You don’t have to do so with anger or bitterness, but with grace and leadership.

As we embrace the taming of our tongues, may we meditate on the above verses and pray them into our lives on a daily basis. The practice of having a wise tongue will not happen over night, but through a lifetime of prayer, patience, scripture reading and practice!