Honesty and Integrity

Contributor: Adam Parks 

Alumnus 

Perhaps my favorite way to spend my free time is playing golf.  It is by far the most difficult game I have ever played and many times I have sworn it off only to try again as soon as I find another opportunity. I enjoy the challenge the game offers, I appreciate the opportunity it affords me to build relationships with some great people and more than anything I love the opportunity to be outside and marvel at the beauty of God’s creation!

The challenge comes with every round, desperately trying to beat my lowest score and improve from the last time.  A good golfer shoots for par, a great golfer often is able to score under par, I try not to run out of fingers counting the number of shots on each hole!  No matter your level of ability, whether playing for fun or motivated by competition, golfers always want to compare scores at the end of the day... Then comes the moment of truth, do I count the extra stroke that it took to get out of the sand when nobody was looking?  Did anybody see me pick the ball up out of the edge of the water? The fact that the question even enters my mind is evidence to the fact that we live in a world engulfed in deception, where integrity is often spoken about but rarely expected.  Where it almost goes without saying that you can skirt the truth, shave off a few strokes to gain an advantage.  Where integrity and honesty is the exception and not the norm...

Every time I go to add up my score I cannot help but think about the story I recently read about Blayne Barber, an aspiring golfer hoping to make the professional tour.  He was featured in all kinds of news reports because six days after he finished the tournament which could have earned him a spot on the PGA Tour, Barber was unsure whether he had assessed enough of a penalty on himself for possibly moving a leaf around his ball in a bunker that he called the officials and disqualified himself! He said "I continued to pray about it and think about it, and I just did not have any peace about it, I knew I needed to do the right thing. I knew it was going to be disqualification.”

I will never have to worry about making it to the PGA Tour but I do hope that I can live such a life of integrity that others will notice and be pointed to Christ!

As Jesus describes the dedicated and faithful life of the believer he encourages us not to skirt the edges of integrity like the rest of the world but instead says “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”  (Matthew 5:37)

As we have the opportunity to change our score so that we might look a little better I hope that we can remember that the way we live our lives is meant to make God look good.  Jesus says that with our integrity comes the opportunity to shine the light of Christ to those who are fumbling around in the darkness. The challenge is not to simply live a life of integrity but through your life point others to Him!

“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)

Should you choose an Accountability Group or a Mentor?

Contributor: Amanda Zema

Alumnus

When I was asked to write a post on how to choose an accountability partner I was very hesitant to comply.  You see, I have been questioning the whole idea of accountability and whether it actually served any real purpose other than making people feel bad and often awkward.  In my experience, and most of those I know, it simply never really accomplished anything.  Like most Christians I know, I was introduced to the idea in Youth Group. It went something like this: you and another person were supposed to have a list of things to check up on each other about daily, weekly or as often as you two deemed it was needed. The list usually included things like Bible reading, prayer, obeying your parents, things you shouldn’t be doing, etc.  Typically for a few weeks you would keep on top of it, “So did you read your Bible today?”  “Yeah.”  “Great!”  “Did you?”  “No.”  “Oh, well tomorrow’s a new day.”  So you would run through your list and check that off as being a good Christian. After a few weeks it would start to drop off and you would feel guilty but so would the other person so you avoid each other for a bit until you forget about it altogether and move on with life.  Sure, many ministers and others would strive to make it deeper but the above example seemed to be the norm for all those I knew. 

With all this in mind, I did a survey of about 40 Christians in my acquaintance. The ages ranged from 16 – mid 60’s. The results fell sharply into two groups with the answers in each group being surprisingly similar. 

The first group will be the “Yes” group.  These people had participated in accountability with positive results.  When asked for the reasons it worked for them, the answers were almost always the same: it was a group (not just a partner) of the same gender; the focus was on breaking habits; commitment and encouragement were very high; the group was safe, challenging, more intentional, and honest.  The most interesting aspect of the “Yes” group is that it was almost exclusively men.

The “No” group also had similar answers across the board. The common denominators in the “No” group were: partners instead of a larger group; lack of commitment; not focusing on real, underlying issues; inconsistent.  This group was about equally made up of men and women.

Mentorship was also addressed in the same survey.  Interestingly of those who have had a mentor the results were always positive.  The common responses were: the mentor was an older person of the same sex; the mentor had been where they now were; there was specific change they desired to see in their lives; the mentor acted as a guide and gave plenty of grace, love, forgiveness, honesty, dedication, and wisdom; the mentor led a life to imitate, and was someone they felt safe with.  The emphasis seemed to be placed on encouragement though.  Those who had mentors saw real, concrete change in their lives.

So of those I know, and of those surveyed, mentorship is something that everyone could use in their lives. Titus 2 encourages us to adopt this method with older women instructing younger women, and older men instructing younger men. We also see this in the lives of many others throughout the Bible such as Eli and Samuel, Paul and Timothy, Moses and Joshua. Who the mentor is changes depending on where you are and what you need at the time.  

If you want to seek accountability or mentorship here are a few things to keep in mind.  First pray, pray, pray.  I can’t say it enough. PRAY! God knows what/who you need in your life to grow into who He created you to be. He wants to see you succeed so let Him lead you.  Second, accountability tends to work best in groups that are very committed to breaking habits and are comprised of people of the same gender.  If you are seeking to grow into a more mature Christian or are dealing with hard issues and need some guidance, pray.  God can guide you to the right mentor for you.  You will know they are the right one if they are the same gender, older, are an encourager, have had success in overcoming similar issues as yours, or are the type of Christian you desire to be.  Keep in mind that though accountability typically looks the same, each mentoring relationship will look different. You may see this person regularly or mostly talk on the phone.  You may have contact several times a week or a few times a month.  Don’t waste your time if most of the contact is through text or on the computer. Real relationship will not happen in that way. Last, though not least, pray. PRAY!  God knows your heart, needs, and desires, and those of everyone else. He can bring you and the right group or mentor.